Strangers, Friends, Community and Giving Thanks

In past years, I would open up my home during the holidays. Not just an opportunity for friends and family to get together, these gatherings were really meant for strangers and displaced souls who didn't to have a a community to share this time with. They were times for engaging interesting conversations, eating international dishes and to making a fair bit of noise. My mother, roommate and I would invite the different people involved in our lives, strangers to each other, to see who would show up and how they would mix it up.

And then like everybody else, I got too busy.

I had taken a job that leveraged off of my workaholic tendencies (again). My connections to friends and family became more tenuous until I no longer had time to participate our usual activities. The workplace became a surrogate for the community I was leaving. My personal experience of community at work was authentic due to the unique relationship I had with all departments and company clients. But a looming specter of fear and lack of staff empowerment diminished that sense of community from being a global corporate experience.

I have a very basic way of knowing when you and I are in community: it's when you and I are in each other's laps, when we are intricately involved in each other's lives. In that sense, "community" is a foreign experience to most people. We only seem to draw to each other under times of acute, regional distress, or when we're forced into it (that's where corporation's idea of "teamwork" comes into play). Otherwise it is much more convenient to commune with our Internet connection and TiVo box. It's not that we've become totally incapable of engaging as community, its just that it has become less obvious why it is necessary to do so.

I now find myself with free time on my hands (having left the workaholic-inducing environment) and with a renewed ability to give myself to these gatherings and other things again. And in this Thanksgiving season, I find myself thankful for particular things: With the recent fires here in San Diego and the losses that some have experienced, we all came through it safely; With the passing of my favorite uncle I was reminded of the importance of generational experience and wisdom, and how it prepares us to meet our future; Even though some of us are moving into "interesting times," we can be utterly surprised by who will walk back into our lives to keep us company through it all.

My cousin's husband defines a friend as someone you are willing to invite into your home. So if you happen to be in the North County San Diego area next week, I invite you to come over for Thanksgiving dinner. By tradition, it's a potluck deal where we supply the meat and you bring something that can keep the mouths of 3-4 people busy. The planned highlight will Mark's famous smoked turkey. This year I thought I'd try something different. The "Main
Event" will be held the Sunday before Thanksgiving Day, with the "Leftovers Event" held on Thanksgiving Day. Come on Thursday and you may not have to worry about bringing a dish! Because people do get busy during the holidays, having two gatherings gives people a chance to stop by.

We run an open house, so arrive at your own leisure. The door opens at 1:00pm and closes when the last person leaves. Invite your friends and family along (children are welcome). Drop by for a few minutes or stay the whole evening. Bring your swimsuits because the Jacuzzi is all warmed up. Bring an appetite. Bring your laptop (I'll have a wireless Internet connection available).

Community is created when at least one other person shows up. Let me know if you need directions.

© Richard Aquino, 2007